What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:29
I was 9 years of age.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Ive learnt so much.
Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?
One cannot live in the past .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At what stage in your life did you realize, "No, I can't do this any more" and walk out? Why?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When you visit a store, do you go to shop or buy?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?
All the time i was locked up.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What are some questions obviously just asked for sexual gratification?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Can a bride cheat on her groom at a wedding?
I said to her
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i lived it daily.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I waited trembling.
She married twice! .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
How can I control my daily masturbating habit?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I will be 64.
Do you like wearing short skirts?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Put me off passion for life!!
I don,t even have a pension.
Are you worried that the 2024 US presidential election will result in a close race?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He knew the spot.
Have you ever accidentally found out that you were about to be fired?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I think the readers, may guess!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So whats the point in blame.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
But it wasn’t much.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was very sick at this time too.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was in good health!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Would this be the day?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She found it foreign!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was seconnd youngest,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I write beautiful poetry .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He resisted the act ,that day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So, i spoilt her more .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We all went to grammer schools
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
(And it was in our own minds.)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But, we were locked up after school.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Who then, do I blame.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
When she asked me how she looked .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I have no regrets .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
What did i know ?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She loved him until the end.
We were not on the streets..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).